It's Weird to Be Back...

Joe and I officially became Returned Peace Corps Volunteers (RPCVs) on August 24, 2016...

Our "official" COS (close of service) photo...

...and our super-fun Peace Corps family photos.

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We left South Africa and embarked on a beautiful, tearful, magical three week road trip where we were blessed to visit our phenomenally supportive, loving (and patient) family and friends.

We were reminded of all of the "life" we have missed by being far away: little children who are now giants compared to their former selves, babies that never existed before we left, the absence of loved ones who have passed on, the day-to-day living of lives.

It also took me nearly two weeks to fully grasp that, despite it feeling like an awesome vacation, I was not going to be returning to my village, my learners, my host family, my coworkers, or any aspect of the life I left behind in South Africa.

Thus, I ended the road trip feeling very disoriented and lost. My head was spinning with all that was missed, and all that I lived that my family had missed, and all that I would never live again.

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And finally, we arrived in Seattle. I had lunch with old friends. I visited my old colleagues and picked up right where we left off. It felt like, aside from some new faces and a GIANT new building, the two year gap never happened.

At first that felt beautiful, and then it felt...weird

It was weird to have it feel weird... so I wanted to understand why. And this is what I have come up with so far...

I do not know how I have changed, yet. These two years have been so important and meaningful to me that to even the mildest unacknowledgment (making that a word...) of it feels like a dishonor to all that was lived and all that was shared (between us and our host community), discovered, and sacrificed (by ourselves and our supporters) to make it happen. I haven't taken the time or the space to reflect on all of this and make a new meaning of the world around me, yet. Until then, I feel this weird disconnect between my soul and my body. I don't know the new "me" that I am, and that is terrifying.

So, I feel scattered and unconfident and speak rambling gibberish as my frantic brain works overtime to build connections and pathways around new paradigms and ways of being.

I am working to reflect in stages through my own guiding prompts. And there is one thing that I know after my first journaling session...
i am held.

My first reflection product.

I am held by a community who loves me and will churn out housing options, job postings, and messages of hope when I am feeling down. I am held by the higher powers of the universe (god, goddess, ancestors, whatever label one might use). I am held by my partner who is there for me, ride or die. I am held.

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Thank you for holding me.

Reflections about Training for a Marathon

The Two Oceans Marathon is one of the biggest races in South Africa (second to the Comrades Marathon). On our way back from Cape Town in April, Michelle and I met someone who ran the Two Oceans. We were waiting for our taxi to fill at a taxi rank in Durban when a man walked up wearing running shoes, running shorts, and a technical Tee; none of which are normal attire for men in our village. Out of curiosity, I asked the man if he had run the Two Oceans Marathon. He excitedly answered that he had, and thus began our multi-hour conversation about running while we rode the taxi back to our village.

My conversation with the runner, as well as observations I made while I trained to run the Victoria Falls Marathon, got me thinking about what it takes to train for a marathon in rural South Africa compared to in the US.

Context
Running seems to occur in two forms in my village: children playing together or boys/men playing soccer. It’s rare to see woman play soccer. It’s even rarer to see villagers running for the sake of running.

The Soccer Team at Joe's School

The Runner I met on the taxi while going back to my village was an exception. Seeing as how I hadn’t observed other villagers running just to run, I was curious to see why he ran. What ended up being more interesting was what it took for him to be able to run and compete in races.

Race Registration
I have heard many people say that running is a cheap sport, which can be true if one doesn’t participate in any races. However, if one does strive to complete and, even further, compete like the Runner I met, money becomes a factor. For example, in the US, race registration can range from $15 for a local 5k to over $150 for a marathon (not including travel and accommodations if one travels for a race). In South Africa, races vary in price as well. In addition to paying for race registration, runners need to maintain a running license to compete in races and, in some cases, belong to a registered running club.

Joe Taught His Learners (Both Girls and Boys!) How to Play Ultimate Frisbee

Equipment
Further, there’s running equipment: shoes, socks, shorts, pants, short-sleeve technical Tees, long-sleeve technical Tees, beanie, gloves, stopwatch (or satellite watch), etc. While it isn’t necessary to run with most of these items, it becomes harder to compete on a national level with other runners when one doesn’t use them. These items are widely available throughout the US. Virtually all major US cities, and many towns for that matter, have whole stores dedicated to running. Since arriving in South Africa, I have only seen one running store and it was in Pretoria, several hours from my village. There are a few chains that specialize in sports that carry running gear; however, the selection is limited. I also recognize that I’m still getting to know the country, so there may be stores I haven’t yet discovered. The point here is that my village does NOT have a running store, so the Runner has to travel at least a few hours (by taxi) to get to one.

Nutrition
Then there’s nutrition. US stores carry a variety of foods that are used by runners. And not just running stores. Grocery stores and department stores carry running food. In my village, I found sports drinks (most of which contain too much sugar in my opinion) or Energade jellies. With an absence of easy-to-go foods, one has to be cleverer about how to refuel during a run.

Many Families Grow Mealies (i.e. Corn) to Supplement Their Nutrition

Running gels and bars aside, a well-balanced, nutritious diet requires access to protein, healthy fats, fruits, vegetables, and carbohydrates. This was an important issue for the Runner because he highlighted that it’s common to see villagers eating pap (a food most akin to grits) and chicken with gravy. While the chicken is a good source of protein, pap is mostly eaten as a filler because it’s cheap. Given that the unemployment rate in my village hovers at about 50%, a lot of people eat pap.

Donations
While I was talking with the Runner, I learned that he was “sponsored” by people in my shopping town. In addition to using a portion of his income, he also went to local businesses and the hospital to ask for donations. The Runner was humbled by people’s generosity because he said he wouldn’t be able to run without their help. Leading up to a race, he goes door-to-door asking for donations, which he uses to pay for the items I mentioned above – race registration, equipment, and food – as well as travel and accommodations. When he returns from the race, he makes it a point to visit everyone who donated; no matter the amount. The Runner shows them his race bib, photos that were taken during the race, and any medals he earned.

Catching the Last of the Sunlight after an Early Evening Run

The Payoff
The Runner is sort of like a local hero. The people in my shopping town and the surrounding villages take pride in what he has done and how he represents our area. Not only does he represent the area, he represents it well. As the taxi pulled away from the rank, the Runner was pleased to show me the medal he was awarded for finishing within the top 100 of the race where thousands of people compete. Not too shabby for a guy from the village.

How to Train for a Marathon (When You Live in a Rural, South African Village)

The following are a few tips about training for a marathon when one lives in a rural South African village (as is often the case for Peace Corps Volunteers).*

Safety
PCVs receive useful training about how to be safe and to mitigate risks during their term of service. Apply these skills even while you’re running. Know your surroundings. Get to know people along your routes so that you build a safety network. Make sure someone knows where you’re going and how long you plan to be gone. Maintain respect for the culture by staying modestly dressed (e.g. keep your shirt on even when it’s tempting to cool down without one). Pay attention to the time the sun sets (you don’t want to get caught running in the dark).

Set Goals
Forty-two point two kilometers (or 26.2 miles for those not on the metric system) is a long, and potentially daunting, distance. Set smaller goals that feed into the larger goal of completing a marathon. For example, run a 5k (3.1 miles), 10k (6.2 miles), 21.1k (13.1 miles/half-marathon), or 30k (18.6 miles). If possible, try running races with these distances (see here for a listing or ask around). They’ll get you running with other people and get you in the race mindset.

Building and Maintaining a Base
It took me a long time to build up to 42.2k, and I noticed that my body went through some changes as it happened. Pushing too hard too soon could result in injuries. You’ll also need to get used to running 3-4 days per week. Ease into running longer distances. If you’re feeling pressured to up the distance because you want to do a particular race, consider waiting until the following year or running a different one.

My Running Log

Running Groups
Ask around your village to see if there is an established running group. NedBank keeps a listing of all of the running groups in South Africa (click here for the list). You could also check with the local hospital or clinic. I also created a WhatsApp group called Running South Africa to connect with other PCVs who like to run. (Let me know if you'd like to join!) Running groups are great for motivation, support, and accountability. If a running group doesn’t exist, start one! It could be a great secondary project.

Nutrition
If you’re like me, your diet changes when you become a PCV. It can be due to a number of differing factors: access to meat and produce, ability to refrigerate, and how you choose to spend your Peace Corps living allowance. Despite these factors, proper nutrition is key to supply your body with the energy it needs to run and to recover after the run. Look around your village to see what foods are available. While the grocery store might not have energy gels, it may have bread, peanut butter, bananas, and milk; all great items to fuel a run and eat after you’re done.

Enjoying a Breakfast Taco after a Long, Morning Run

Heat
Many PCVs in South Africa live in areas that get really hot (above 25° C (or 80° F)). My ideal running temperature is 10°C (or 50°F). Fifteen degrees is a big jump! If you find yourself in this situation, run slower and increase your fluid intake. I carry a water bottle with me and I keep some money in my pocket in case I need to buy something to drink.

Vary Your Workout
“Hills are like vegetables. You may not like them, but they’re good for you.” This is a mantra I recite to myself whenever I’m doing a hill workout. The same goes for speed workouts too. It’s tempting to run the same route over and over again. However, your body will get used to it and you’ll plateau. Running hills and doing speed workouts will prepare your body for the different route conditions it might face on race day. They’ll help with building strength, recovery, and rounding out your physical condition. If you find that you live in a flat area like me, squats make for an adequate substitute to hills.

Boredom
Separate from varying your workouts with short runs, long runs, hills, and speed workouts, vary your routes as well. Running the same path repeatedly can become monotonous and, thus, de-motivating. Changing your route keeps your mind awake and alert, and the change also means your body has to work a little differently. Running with a group helps with boredom, but, if that’s not an option, running with music can help too. Just be careful to not listen to music too loudly because you want to be able to hear oncoming traffic, as well as be able to shout “hello” back to villagers when they greet you as you run by.

Keep Routes Interesting!

Grass Mat
When I first moved into my house, I thought it made for nice decoration. Much to my delight, the mat doubles excellently as a quasi-yoga mat. I use it while I stretch, work on my core, and cool down. I love my grass mat!

Listen to Your Body
You know your body best. While others may be able to give advice about what to do about various aches and pains, you’re going to be the first person to discover when something isn’t going well. Pay attention to how you feel both during your run and after and make adjustments as needed. Likewise, if you feel like you can run a little farther or a little faster, go for it – see what you can do.

Be Kind to Yourself
Part of the adjustment to living in the village includes fetching water, washing clothes by hand, and various other chores that take a considerable amount of time and energy. It’s important to be excited about running instead of feeling likes it’s another thing to do on your checklist. If you feel tired from working on your primary project or from carrying groceries back from your shopping town, show yourself grace by taking a break and storing energy for a run later in the day or perhaps the next day.


We Want to Hear from You!
What tips do you have for running? What has worked for you? What hasn’t worked for you? What are your favorite foods to eat while you’re running? Please share in the comments below!


*Please note: I am amateur runner. The above tips are based on my personal experiences and should be taken with a high level of discretion.

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Running Resources

Runner’s World: good for advice and news about running

Runners' Guide: list of races throughout South Africa and neighboring countries

NedBank Running Club: list of running clubs throughout South Africa

Coach to 5k: programs to get started running

Trail Running: good for advice and news about trail running

Community Assets (Part 2): The Strength of Our Community

[Note: The context for why highlighting my community’s assets is so important to me was provided in a previous post. You can visit that post by clicking here.]

Many times when we as PCVs talk about our host communities in the Peace Corps, we share about the community’s challenges and deficits. Every community faces challenges. We are missing the real beauty if this is the only story we tell. Today, I want to brag on just a few of the great things that my community has going for it. This will be a bit difficult as we cannot name the organizations specifically (as Peace Corps discourages us from posting information that suggests our specific location), but I hope this hindrance isn’t too much of a distraction.

Educational Attainment and Support

The winners of one of our many educational competitions hosted by these organizations.

There is a local foundation that provides support for students in understanding the college application process. They also host awards banquets to honour high-achieving students and best-performing high schools. There is a district-sponsored center for educational resources, including educator training and a small library. A few local schools host adult programs at night for those who have not yet finished high school. Our host siblings just graduated from a local computer skills course that will set them apart from many of their peers, who have likely never had access to a computer. We also have a public library within a 45-minute walk.

Public Hospital and Clinics
The hospital provides healthcare to the community, including surgery, circumcision, HIV/AIDS treatment, childbirth, to more routine illnesses, like the flu. The hospital works in collaboration with both a local clinic and a mobile clinic to deliver services that are more accessible to the community. On certain occasions, they also come into the school to provide education and vaccinations.

The hospital serves as a major employer for the area, providing a steady wage to many families. More of our learners are likely to know a doctor or nurse personally than most youth in other rural communities in KZN. Therefore, a larger number of them aspire to be health practitioners when they grow up. It gives them hope and makes this field feel more accessible. The hospital also provides a place for building community gathering and organizing. For example, there is a hospital choir, workers’ union, and a variety of social groups that stem from hospital employees.

HIV/AIDS Nonprofit Organizations
Our community has a handful of different organizations that support the prevention and treatment of HIV and AIDS in our community. Many of these collaborate with the local clinics and hospital to augment their programs and increase their outreach.

Environmental Conservation and Awareness

The organizations encourage and train schools to plant gardens. The produce is used in school lunches and sold to raise school funds.

This organization does great work in managing recreational and conservation activities in our local natural areas. It also provides incentives, guidelines, and curricular connections for local teachers to improve the environmental education provided in the schools. They have sent representatives to our school events on multiple occasions to talk about topics, such as: the impact of poaching on the rhino population and the impact of gum trees on water access. Finally, they host annual volunteer days to engage the students more actively in conservation and clean up work.

Community Training and Skills Development
This organization provides everything from water sanitation support and education in local schools to small business development and ownership courses for the community. They have started a new program for unemployed young adults that teaches them basic job skills and assists them to identify and work towards their goals.

Thriving Churches
I cannot remember how many times I’ve heard an educator talk about attending a church conference, a women’s group, or prayer meeting. Our local churches provide a network of support and belonging. Many also host workshops where locals can learn new skills to advance their personal and professional goals. For example, Joe's school is partnering with a local church to host an intern. The intern assists with administrative tasks at the school and gains real-world experience to augment her resume.

A Strong Tourism Industry
We are blessed to live in a place where the natural environment is just as beautiful as its people. Tourists come from all over the globe to visit our little corner of South Africa. This continuous flow boosts our local economy and provides jobs for local tour guides, lodge owners, service industry folks, and artisans.

A Strong Connection to Family, Even Extended Family

Our extended family!

This may be less of a tangible “resource” and more of a cultural asset. We have also highlighted this value in previous blog posts (here and here). However, this is such a strong safety net and support in our community that I would be remiss not to mention it here.

And many more…
This list is inherently incomplete because it would be impossible to highlight all of our wonderful assets in one short list. The message I hope to send to the world is this:

Our community is profoundly beautiful and is filled with strong, passionate individuals who want to build a better future. I am regularly inspired and humbles by the dedication and sense of communal responsibility that I witness in my village. 

Thank you for letting me share this with you.
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We'd love to hear from you!
As we share more about our life and host community, what questions would you like us to answer for you? What would you like us to write more about?

"This is why South Africa is beautiful…"

Last week, some friends of ours invited us to join a small group that meets on Wednesday nights in town. The group typically watches a video on a topic, such as: the role of self in community, relationship with hierarchy, and connection between inner turmoil and physical health. After the video, they discuss how they do or don’t see the topic in their lives. They explore values and life philosophies. It reminded me a lot of the small group ministry at my home church, Tahoma Unitarian Universalist Congregation, which I found to be life-giving. So, I was interested.

Our first time to attend was this last Wednesday.

[[TANGENT]]

This is not the focus of my story, but it is too “typical” not to share... The event was supposed to start at 7:00. We are unable to drive and we DEFINITELY wouldn’t take a taxi after dark, so we relied on someone to come and “collect” us. Due to the dark and lack of landmarks, this generous person turned off a bit too early and ended up stuck in the deep sand. We tried to push it out; we tried to dig it out. The neighbours all came out to help. His roommate drove up with a tow rope, but only had his little Corolla so he couldn’t tow. Our host family drove over to help push. A friend came with a Rav-4, which got the ball (tires) rolling. Finally, the Subaru came and saved the day.
It took four cars and two hours, but we finally were on our way!

…and yes, this is a common occurrence.

[[/TANGENT]]

Since so many members of the small group came to help us, the discussion was delayed until next week. Instead, we simply all got together and enjoyed a delicious meal and conversation. It was quite lovely.

At one point during the dinner, I looked around the room and smiled. At the other end of the table, two men were laughing together in their native isiZulu. There were two women speaking across the room in Afrikaans. And I was sharing stories in English with 2 South African women, one whose home language was English and another who grew up speaking isiNdebele. There was so much cultural diversity within our little group, yet (aside from Joe and I) they were all South African and we were all around the same dining room table feeling the warmth of community.

I thought to myself…

“This, right here, is why South Africa is so beautiful to me.”

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• Learn more about South Africa’s 11 national languages here and here.
• Learn more about Oliver Tambo.

PC Art: An Exploration of Media

"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,'
then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced."

- Vincent Van Gogh

Sharing Art: What it Means to Me

Art and reading are probably the two oldest hobbies that I have. I vividly remember my teachers and my mom raving about a drawing I did of a three-story house in first grade. I loved all kinds of art--chalk drawing, finger paints, everything! I wanted to be a street artist and make beautiful pictures all day. But slowly, as I got older, I became shyer about my work. Eventually, it became a sort of hidden part of my identity.

After being so moved by the examples of art as a medium for resistance and social change in Cape Town, I started to shift how I viewed this old hobby of mine. I saw how art can provide a space for healing and community and I hope to one day integrate my own art and justice work in a more cohesive way. To achieve this, I will need to start taking my art more seriously. Part of that process is to share it more freely with others... so, here goes!

What It’s Made Of: Artistic Media

One thing I found interesting about the variety of art media I have used while in South Africa. There are no two that are the same! This feels like an appropriate indicator for PC life: unpredictable, use whatever resources you have, learn something new, and make it work.

A special shout-out to those who gifted me with art supplies to make these pieces possible: Gabi, Cody, and Emmy (drawing book); Mom and Dad Harper (oil paints); and Stephanie (coloured pencils).

Ndlovu

In isiZulu, ndlovu is the word for elephant. One of my dearest PCV friends is staying with a family with Ndlovu as the surname (thus it is her Zulu surname also). Elephants symbolize wisdom, loyalty, and discernment, which are pretty fitting for her personality. So, when I told her that I would draw her something, what could be more perfect?

Ndlovu
(Media: graphic pencils, leaves)

A Portrait of a Movie Star

During a depressive week, I asked my friends to send me art requests. To which Caroline responded: “Draw MEEEEEE!” I was pretty nervous because portraits are hard. But, an ask is an ask and I was going to do my best to follow through. I chose an inspiration picture of her on top of Table Mountain—a day when our friends were being so dramatic with their silly camera shots and poses that people seriously thought they were famous. So, to my dear movie star, Caroline…

A Portrait of a Movie Star
(Media: graphic pencil, color pencils)

Like a Champ

You may remember from our Valentine’s Day post, that I was especially giddy over witnessing these four tiny baby sea turtles make their first epic journey to the sea. Of course I gave them all names (Crush, Patty, Guillermo, and Champ). Champ was bringing up the end and s-t-r-u-g-g-l-i-n-g! We cheered him on and cleared out obstacles to make sure he made it to his first dive. I did this painting to remember the beauty of that day—and because I’d like to think Champ is out there, gaining his sea legs, and confidently riding the waves.

Like a Champ
(Medium: oil paint)

 Gita!

The gita is a traditional Zulu dance (it was a pre-war dance that involves very high kicking). After our school’s Heritage Day celebration last September, I wanted to try and paint one of the dancers as my own memory of the power and beauty of the culture. We will call this one a “work in progress” because I will probably tinker with it for another few months before I really like it.

Gita!
(Medium: acrylic paint)

Conclusion

I am making a commitment to sharing my art more openly with the world and making space for it in my life. This will take some bravery and consistency to uphold. As I gain more confidence in my abilities, I will become more adventurous and maybe dip my toe into deeper, justice-oriented themes and subject matter. 

Get excited! (I know I am!)

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PCV TIP: Finding Art Supplies in South Africa

You can find most art supplies that doubles as school supplies and/or hardware in the village. The quality won't be ideal but you can make it work:

• Coloured pencils
• Pencils, pens, markers
• Turpentine (for thinning your oil paints)
• Cheap, cheap watercolors (if you are lucky)
• House paints
• Leaves, flowers, dirt-- easy to find and FREE! 

You will need to go to a larger city (or bring over from the US) any higher quality items that you desire. For me, this included:

• Oil paints
• Acrylic paints
• Coloured pencils (I brought a giant variety pack from the US)
• Paint brushes
• Graphic pencils

Good luck with your art and most importantly, have fun!

Mother’s Day: An International Holiday

Today is Mother’s Day in BOTH the US and South Africa. So, we wanted to take a moment and thank the three moms who have supported us the most in our PC journey!

Debi / Momma (Michelle’s Mom)

Michelle, Momma, and (BONUS!) Maw-maw

Hey Momma,

Happy Mother’s Day from South Africa! :) I remember that on last Mother’s Day someone posted a photo of a PCV that said, “It takes a special kind of mom to raise a Peace Corps Volunteer.” It is so true. I learned about the importance of volunteering and “leaving a place better than you found it” from you. The countless merit badges, summer camps, USO volunteer shifts, and church service activities that we completed together have anchored the value of service to the core of who I am. That sense of service paired with an early love for culture and travel (although this could be more attributed to following dad’s job—you CHOSE daddy, so you get at least partial credit ;)).

I value your support through our service here in South Africa. I know it is scary to see your baby move halfway around the world to a brand new place. You have been very brave and encouraging, even helping me remember how long I have wanted to do this. Thank you and enjoy a Happy Mother’s Day. I hope daddy and Beau (and Anne, from afar) have planned something sweet for you today. xoxo

Love,
Shelly
(aka “Bits”)

Mrs. Michelle / Mom (Joe’s Mom)

Joe and Mom

Dear Mom,

Happy Mother’s Day! While I know you wish I was there to celebrate with you in person, you have been such a great support for me since I’ve been here in South Africa. As I reflect on Mother’s Day and its significance, I am reminded of the values you instilled in me that I strive to exhibit everyday: love, kindness, and openness of the heart and mind… Since arriving in South Africa, I have met so many people here who remind me of you because of their friendliness and willingness to help a complete stranger (me!). It makes me smile when I think of the countless times we were somewhere and you struck up a conversation with the person next to you. The two of you would talk and laughed, leaving me with the impression that you’ve known each other for a long time. I only find out later that you just met that person. It’s a beautiful thing how effortlessly you connect with others. It is these qualities that I strive to embody through my interactions with people here. Thank you for being such a great mom and role model.

Love,
Your son,
-Joey

Mama Mbatha (Our PST Mom)

Nolwandle, Mama, and Bongani

Mama othandekayo,

Siyakuthanda! Siyakukhumbula futhi. Siyabonga ukuthi wasamukela ekhaya lakho. Usiphe ukudla, wasifundisa. Usinike umndeni omusha wasinika nekhaya elisha. Siyabonga kakhulu.

Siyathemba ikuthokozisile iMothers Day yakho,

Nolwandle noBongani



[English Translation:

Dear Mama,

We love you! We miss you, also. We are thankful that you welcomed us in your home. You fed us. You taught us. You gave us our new family. You gave us our new home. We thank you very much.

We trust that you enjoyed/rejoiced in your Mothers Day.

Nolwandle (Michelle; “Mother of the ocean”) and Bongani (Joe; “Giving thanks”)]

Cape Town Series: Spending Time with Our Friends, the Ashlee’s

When I first sat down to write this post, I was thinking about writing about the activities we did with our dear friends. But something didn’t sit quite right with me. Upon further reflection, it donned on me that it wasn’t what we did that mattered to me; it was simply the time spent together that mattered so much. Michelle and I are fortunate to have many people in our lives that we hold close to our hearts. While there are people here in South Africa who are quickly making space for themselves in our hearts, Michelle and I left family and friends back in the US who we miss dearly. Two of them are Kyle and Aeriel Ashlee.

Kyle, Aeriel, Michelle, and Joe on the Summit of Table Mountain

Quick Background
Fun fact: two out of the last three times I saw Kyle Ashlee have been in countries other than the US.

Kyle, Michelle, and I all met in graduate school. Kyle and Michelle overlapped in graduate school by a year, but I came to know Kyle better when I completed an internship in Switzerland a year later where he was working at the university. The next time Michelle and I saw Kyle was at his wedding where we met Aeriel, his partner.

Kyle and Aeriel

Back to the Story
It was about October last year when I got an email from Kyle saying he and Aeriel had gotten accepted to be resident directors aboard the MV Explorer with the Semester at Sea program. Even better, one of their ports was going to be Cape Town. Seeing this, I read the rest of his email rapidly to see when they were going to be in country. As it turned out, they were going to be in South Africa during Michelle’s and my April break from school. Perfect!

Michelle and I met up with Kyle and Aeriel after spending 24 hours riding a bus from Durban to Cape Town. It is perfectly reasonable to think that we were tired after such a journey, but Michelle and I were filled with too much excitement to feel the fatigue. We decided to meet at the harbor before heading off to dinner. From my vantage point in the car, I spotted Aeriel first. Exiting the car, I saw Kyle next. It felt really good to see their bright, smiling faces. After hugging hello, we piled into the car and drove to the restaurant.

Over the next couple of days, Michelle and I got to do many things with Kyle and Aeriel. We sampled beers at a beer hall, hiked Table Mountain, rode in a cable car, toured a winery, and got to see their living/working accommodations on their ship.

Kyle Mid-Hike on Table Mountain

Groot Constantia Vineyard

Wine and Chocolate Pairing

Aeriel, Michelle, Kyle, and Joe Aboard the MV Explorer

The Significance
Being able to spend such quality time with Kyle and Aeriel was a gift. There’s something about being able to see friends we’ve known for a long time. It’s a comfort that comes from having shared experiences and a language for talking with one another (all four of us work in higher education, connect on shared values, and enjoy deep conversations about life and meaning). We reminisced about various memories, dove into deep discussions about making a difference in the world, laughed about silly things, and speculated about what the future holds. From the moment we first met up to the last time we said goodbye, I don’t think there was a moment when we weren’t talking. We had lots of conversations and shared many laughs. After it was over, it was clear that we had been yearning for that level of connection and comfort for quite some time. It served as a powerful reminder of how much these relationships mean to us.

Enjoying Delightful Conversation

Lately, Michelle and I have been talking about where we want to live when we return to the US after we finish with our service. A large part of the conversation pertains to the people we want near us: family and friends. We are blessed with loving and supportive families. We have friends who will be by our side through thick and thin—the kind that lend a hand when you need help moving and lend their hearts when yours is hurting. The trouble we’re facing is that our families and friends are scattered throughout the country. Should we live in Ohio, Louisiana, Washington, or somewhere in between those places? How can we possibly choose between them all?

With about 18 more months until after service closes, we have time to think about what choices we will make. In the meantime, we just want to thank those who we hold dearest, like the Ashlee’s, for the intangible gifts they have given us over the years: encouragement to go further, asking us tough questions, providing connection, meaning, and complexity to our world, and—of course—their patience as we stumble through and figure out our lives. Siyanikhumbula (we miss and remember you).

"A Person is a Person Through Other People"

________________________

To read more about Kyle and Aeriel’s experience, you can visit their blog here.

Taxi Cab Epiphany

There I was, sitting in a 16-passenger minibus taxi filled to the brim with 18 adults (including the driver), 3 small children, 4 bags the size of mini-refrigerators, and a smattering of small grocery and handbags. It was the fourth hour of our three-hour taxi drive (yes, you read that correctly) and we were turning into a city which was 1.5 hours out of the way of our intended destination. No one expected us to go to this city. No one knew why we were there.

That’s when it hit me: It will all be okay.

It will be okay.

No need to get upset. The detour had already been taken. There was nothing that could be done nor any explanation that would change that fact.

I may not get home when I expected. We would have to postpone some chores and errands. Things would need to be done a bit differently and in a different order, but isn’t that like life? We will find ourselves on unexpected roads. We will need to adjust and take the obstacles in stride. And it will all be okay. There will be headaches and frustration; but there will also be so much beauty…

Outside of the taxi window, I could see small mountains diving straight into a clear, blue lake. The street vendors were selling their goods. Children were chasing each other and laughing. This is a beautiful country and we would have missed it had we taken the shorter road.

So…sit back, turn on some tunes, let go of what you thought your life would look like, and enjoy the view…

Beautiful, yes?

A Rollercoaster of Emotions: Getting to IST

IST. Defined: In-Service Training; occurs approximately three months after arriving at one’s permanent site. Example: my cohort arrived at our permanent sites in September, so our IST happened at the end of November through the beginning of December.

Getting to IST is a big deal in the life of a Peace Corps Volunteer (PCV). It’s a big deal because the first few months at permanent site can be one of the hardest times during a PCV’s service. Sure, there is lots of excitement because of finally getting to the place where one is going to serve the community, meeting the people who are going to be served, and seeing where one is going to spend the rest of her/his service. With the excitement comes a lot of hardship as well: isolation, loneliness, loss, and feeling overwhelmed.

To make this post more personal: I have felt all of the things mentioned above and more. Initially arriving to my permanent site, I was excited to be here. I had an image of what it looked like to serve as a PCV, and seeing my new home fit the image almost perfectly. I was in a remote part of the country, surrounded by people who were very curious about my presence, grappling with a new language, and volunteering in a school. Having moved a few times while I lived in the US, I was accustomed to a feeling of “newness” that comes during the first few months. However, there were unique factors influencing my integration. I understood conceptually what these news factors would mean for me, but to live them has been a whole other experience.

For example, one factor was the constant attention I received. Living in a remote part of South Africa meant that people weren’t used to seeing a white guy walking around their village. Often, I would hear people call out to me to get my attention; often, using a slang term that is derogatory (I don’t believe there was any malicious intent, but I do believe there was ignorance with the use of the word). What was even more surprising for people was my ability to speak isiZulu. Keeping in mind that my language ability isn’t all that strong, but I do know greetings and introductions and I can make basic conversation. I learned that by introducing myself I heard the slang term less often.

Another example, and one that conflicts with the example above, is my shopping town. My shopping town lies on a road that is travelled frequently by passing tourists. Because of the tourists, there are a few businesses in town that cater to them. It’s a weird contrast because there are large sections of the town and surrounding villages that live under conditions of poverty. And then there are these shops that contain items that cost the same amount as a week’s worth of groceries for two people (at least based on what Michelle and I eat). When I’m in town, I receive little attention, which is great in some respect, but it’s also alarming when I do because it’s often negative. Usually it’s someone asking me to give them money. This experience isn’t uncommon for PCVs. What I find difficult about it is that people in town think I’m a tourist passing through. They don’t see me as someone who lives there. This experience makes me feel separated from the community; that I don’t belong.

I haven’t only felt negatively since arriving to my permanent site. If anything, I feel like I have been on a rollercoaster of emotions because I have also felt happy, content, grateful, and humble. I’m happy because of the welcoming and warmth I have been shown by my host family and the educators at my school. I feel grateful for many reasons; one of which from the simple fact that I am able to serve as a PCV. Throughout the application process, I learned that it takes a certain level of economic ability to even serve as a volunteer. As someone with debt from college loans, I’m grateful that I was able to get deferments and to save enough money to continue paying one of the loans so I could be here. I’m also grateful that I’m able to WhatsApp with family and friends back home. And I am humbled by the generosity I have been given by so many people here in South Africa. For example, one of the educators at my school ensures that I have a ride home from school despite that fact that I have told him that I’m okay walking. To him, it would be a shame for me to walk when he has a car. What’s more, he has to drive in the opposite direction of his home in order for me to get to mine.

Like I mentioned above, I’m not new to settling into a new place, but I am new at settling into a country. I am excited, and anxious, to see what the next few months hold for me. And I look forward to it. Part of becoming a volunteer was knowing that this experience wasn’t going to be easy. Life wouldn’t be as interesting if it was.

The Mango Tree, My Gym

There’s a mango tree that sits right outside my front door. It’s large, maybe about 25-30 feet tall, provides great shade for reading a book, and has many branches extending from its peculiarly small trunk. The mango tree has produced fruit for many years now, and this time of year the mangos are ripe for eating. It has become a common occurrence for Michelle and I to hear small thuds when mangos fall from the tree and land on the ground. The ground around the tree is littered with the small, red, yellow, and green fruit. I have come to find that the mango tree has another quality that makes it a great tree – it’s also a gym.

As one can easily understand, living in a small village means that there isn’t a gym nearby where I can work out. (I actually would find it weird if there was a gym). This hasn’t deterred me from getting exercise though. I’ve been able to run and do push-ups and sit-ups. Running is a particularly good workout because most of the roads in our area are sand, which adds an additional element to the run.

Me Hanging from the Tree

One day a couple of weeks ago I had just gotten back from a run. I was walking around the yard in front of my house cooling down. I looked at the mango tree and noticed a branch that was sitting just high enough that it gave me an idea. I walked to the branch, grabbed it with both hands, and picked my feet off the ground. It was just as I had hoped; the branch was high enough to enable me to do pull-ups. I did a set, which felt good and also amazing considering that I hadn’t done a pull-up in a few months (as I rock climber, I was used doing them almost daily). After that, I did some leg raises while hanging from the branch. It was a nice workout overall. Since then, I have discovered a place where I can do dips in between two branches.

When I first moved into my house, I thought the idea of having a mango tree outside my door was cute. It felt exotic, and it fit perfectly into my idea of what it was going to be like to live in another country; something different than I was used to. After a couple of months, I have come to find that the mango tree is more than what originally caught my eye. I also can’t help but smile as I think about the relationship I’m building with a tree. I told Michelle the other day that it would be cool to hang a hammock from two of its branches. I just need to find and/or make one.

A Weekend Away

Michelle and I had a splendid time with our friend Patty, a Peace Corps Volunteer from our cohort, a couple of weekends ago. During the first few months while we’re settling into our permanent site, we’re allowed to travel away one weekend per month as long as we stay within our province. Michelle and I decided to use our weekend to visit Patty. (See The Kindness of Strangers for an account of our journey travelling to Patty).

During our visit with Patty, we talked, shared high’s and lows about our Peace Corps experience thus far, baked pizza and made French toast, and played one of my favorite games – Settlers of Catan. It felt so good to get away for the weekend. The trip gave me something to which to look forward. I haven’t been the kind of person who likes to stay stationary or spend all day indoors. I like to get out, explore, and to see and do things. Since I arrived in South Africa, my experience has been more like the former. It has been an adjustment for me to spend so much time in one place. Spending a weekend with Patty gave me exactly what I needed.

Michelle & Patty Playing Settlers.  So nerdy! :D
Patty asked for a "shout out" to the ironing board in the background that doubles as a table.

Further, conversation with Patty was enlightening. I have had significantly more free time on my hands since I’ve gotten to South Africa. This has given me time to reflect and process. Talking with Patty helped me process through some things because she gave me language that I could use to describe what I have been feeling. As an added bonus, Patty shared some life wisdom that helped to give me perspective on some of my own life experiences.

In addition to seeing Patty, when we went to the mall in her shopping town, we got to see another volunteer from our cohort, Karen, and spend the day with her too. Having a weekend away was a wonderful gift. I look forward to the next one.

Mental Health During PST (Pre-Service Training)

---Written on day 62 of PST-----

I wanted to take an opportunity to share more about my experience with mental health during Pre-Service Training (PST). I am sharing this because when I was searching for information, it was difficult to find much out there aside from the blanket Peace Corps messages about “living without the support of western-trained mental health providers.” If you are anything like me, this line tells you NOTHING useful for daily life. First things first…

“Hi, my name is Michelle and I struggle with depression.”

Good. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk real talk.

During the Peace Corps application process, I definitely felt that depression and mental health was fairly taboo in the Peace Corps. My reasons were as follows: (A) It was hard to find information about volunteers who have struggled with depression. (B) After disclosing that I have seen a counselor “at any point within the last three years,” I faced (what felt like) a bunch of extra hoops to jump through. Additional forms, counseling visits/evaluations, personal statements on my mental health status, triggers, coping mechanisms… ay bo! It was a process.

(I want to pause and take a deep breath with those of you who are living that frustration now. Breathe…)

Whoo! Even thinking about it now makes my blood pressure rise… BUT! I am so pleased/surprised to report that Peace Corps South Africa has many strategies for supporting volunteers in this country. Plus, they take a “we all need these things sometimes” approach to implementation. We have had sessions on resources, covered many coping strategies, discussed these personally with a member of the medical team, and will have multiple avenues of support (ranging from a peer support network to counseling visits) during a depressive period.

That said, PST definitely provides many potential “challenges” to one’s mental health. The first challenge is the schedule. Training days are very long and zap you of your energy. Your brain is tired from language and policy trainings; your emotions are wonky from safety and diversity sessions; your patience is tested each day…multiply that by 8 hours per day, 6 days per week. Aish!

It is also not surprising to find that the emotions, energy, and needs of 34 unique people are, well…different! One is up when the other is down; the same experience impacts both in different ways. This leads me to the second major challenge: coping with all of this stress when all of your PC friends are dealing with their own stuff… How do you reach out for a hand when we are all on our very own rollercoaster rides?

Add the typical culture shock, distance from loved ones, decreased control over personal schedule/use of time, and loss of some first world conveniences… It is the perfect environment to challenge one’s mental health!

So, for the benefit of other potential volunteers and for the sake of honesty, I would like to share a bit about my experience coping with depression during PST.

First, I will share a bit about my symptoms. Each person’s depression is unique. My depression comes and goes in waves. In the US, I may have anywhere from a few weeks to a year between depressive periods. My triggers are largely related to personal worth, competence, or inconveniencing/burdening others. During PST, I have experienced two minor depressive occurrences. The length of an occurrence is difficult to describe, because there are multiple stages/levels that are passed through. I will say that out of nearly 60 days, there have only been 4 that I have truly felt hindered by my symptoms.

During and immediately after an occurrence, I have found the following tools essential for moving forward:

• Patience with myself. I would like to say that I have handled these stressors with absolute grace…but, that would be a lie. I have been more than frustrated with other volunteers. I have been frustrated with myself. I have acted from that perspective of frustration…and I can make different choices tomorrow. At the end of the day, though, I am the only “me” I have. I am imperfect. I am emotive. And these are things that make me - “me.” I try to remember the components of the "Personal Bill of Rights" (there are several versions out there... they can be fairly cheesy, but good reminders. Google it...)
• Support from loved ones back home and fellow volunteers. I have been blessed with many beautiful relationships that uplift my spirit. The messages I have received from those back home remind me that they will be there for me, no matter where I travel. I have also found caring friendships in several other volunteers. They write me notes when I am sick, check-in when I am being quiet, and offer support in times of need. I need to remind myself to have the humility to reach out.
•  Journaling. This sounds so cliché, but it really does help to get it all out in writing. Seeing it all out on paper helps my triggers to feel more manageable, somehow. I can better identify ways to disrupt the internal dialogue that is unhealthy.
• Letting go. Ish happens. The thing about my depression is that it makes me believe in a false sense of “failure” (like “failure” as an identity). The truth is that, though I may stumble and discover imperfections, I have always overcome the obstacles of my life.  My lesson is to let go of my expectations of my life and, most importantly, of myself.  

Before joining the Peace Corps, I was definitely concerned about maintaining my mental health during service. What if my depression was triggered during service? What if I start to spiral?

For the benefit of others who share this fear, here is my message for you (and a reminder for myself):

• It is okay to struggle with issues of mental health or depression (I think that we all do-the only differences are the degree of impact and the level of honesty about it). It is okay to take the time and energy you need to get through, in whatever that looks like.
• You have already developed successful coping strategies throughout your life. These will likely be the same strategies you will use during your service.
• It helps to hone your self-awareness to identify depressive symptoms early. My strategy is to list 3 caring things (small or big) that I did for others and that were done for me each day. When I cannot think of 3 examples, then I know that my internal dialogue is getting skewed.
• Some volunteers believe that PST is the most difficult period of Peace Corps service. If you can get just through this, a significant part of the battle is over!
• If there does come a day when I truly believe that the best decision for my health would be to go back home, I know that the option is there. I will have been blessed by having lived in South Africa for a short while AND I will make the best decision for me to go home.

**Quick Note to Family and Friends: I am FINE. :-D My mental health is just as fine as it was in the States. It is common for the occurrences to become more frequent during states of great change. There is no need to worry any more than you did before.

If you would like to support me, just keep doing what you normally do. I’ve always loved that about you! Most importantly, don’t act all weird about this post in our next conversations. I do not currently feel any embarrassment about sharing these details. I hope that you don’t either.

Much love (Ngiyanithanda kakhulu),

M