Joe’s 12-Month Reflection

On 3 July, Michelle and I celebrated our first year living in South Africa. It was a big milestone. Interestingly, we were with several other Peace Corps Volunteers that day preparing to host workshops for the next group of incoming education volunteers. Thinking about their arrival got me thinking about the experiences I have had since I arrived one year ago. A few reflections surfaced.

Normalcy
In quick succession, I moved away from Tacoma, took a road across the US to visit family and friends before departing for South Africa, met the other volunteers with whom I would spend the next two years fulfilling Peace Corps’ mission, flew across the Atlantic, spent two months training and living with my first host family, moved to my permanent site, formed relationships with colleagues at my school and my new host family, and taught two academic terms. Phew!

A Panorama of Our Training Village

For most of that time, I was met with newness, difference, novelty, and change. It was exciting and exhausting. And for most of that time, I felt like a visitor; someone who was here only temporarily. In the back of my mind sat the reality that I was only going to be here for a short while. At first, I found this thought energizing because it gave each day a sense of urgency – to make a difference, to teach a learner, to talk with a teacher or villager or member of my host family—to do something. What I found, though, is that this elevated level of determination left me feeling fatigued.

Sometime during the second academic term, I started to relax and sought to make a difference where I could but also allowed myself the grace to be okay with not necessarily doing anything. Figuring out how to do that isn’t easy for me and it’s something I’m constantly working on.

Another observation I noticed during the second academic term was that the conversations I was having with my colleagues at school were changing. They were becoming deeper. When I first arrived, the teachers were friendly, warm, and welcoming. Now, they were talking with me about bigger life issues: how they saw teaching making a difference in the lives of learners, family concerns, and life passions. It was a profound feeling because it made me feel like I belonged. I was no longer an outsider, but South Africa was now my home.

With this feeling of home, my life started to feel normal. I knew what to expect out of each day. I knew where to buy groceries. I felt closer to my host family and I was making friends. I felt comfortable.

Detached Investment
I mentioned above that I felt a sense of urgency. This feeling presented itself mostly at my school where I felt like I needed to get projects rolling (and completed). One of the most common mistakes committed by Peace Corps Volunteers is working on projects independently. This mistake hurts the long-term impact of a volunteer’s presence because it’s not sustainable. The host country nationals (the people whom a volunteer is here to serve) don’t learn anything about the project and worse still is that the HCNs normally don’t feel connected to the project. (Michelle talks about this in her 12-month reflection.)

   

Eating Breakfast during One of My First Days at My Permanent Site

Fortunately, I recognized the feeling and didn’t indulge the impulse. Instead, I tried planting seeds within my colleagues and regularly revisited conversations with them about goals we were trying to accomplish. This change in behavior was trying for me because with it came frustration, impatience, and, to some degree, hopelessness. I had to remind myself that these weren’t MY projects but OUR projects and, even further, to keep from being the lead. I started thinking about my approach as a “detached investment”. While I would invest myself into whatever projects the principal, teachers, and I thought were the most important, I would remind myself that the principal and teachers needed to be the main drivers and I filled the role of the supporter.

I did a pretty good job at not taking charge of projects when I first arrived at my school, but it was becoming increasingly more difficult because I was being asked to do more things by my principal and fellow teachers. I felt like I/we were losing sight about why I was here.

To help navigate these situations, I started asking myself, “How does this connect to the reasons I’m here?” It helped to ask my colleagues as well. I’m still working on this with them, but I have noticed that it’s causing them to be more reflective and cognizant about the finite amount of time I’m here.

Over the Hump
With one year in, I feel like I’m over the hump – I feel like I can do this. This assuredness wavered back in January because it was a particularly tough month. Several volunteers, some of whom were close to me, left South Africa to go home. It made me question whether I would be able to serve the full 27 months because what would I do if things got too tough? There was a part of me that wished I didn’t know quitting was an option because it would mean that I would have to face “the difficulty”.

Six months later, I feel more confident about finishing my service, and at this point unless something absolutely horrendous happens to either Michelle or me, I don’t see any reason why I would go home early.

Friends - What a Great Support Network!

A Time to Reinvest
While I’m glad that I now feel comfortable in my new home, I know now is the time to reinvest myself. I still plan to practice balancing urgency with self-grace, but I also plan to deepen relationships with my host family, colleagues at school, and friends in the community. I plan to dig deeper into the culture and I’m going to do so by trying to speak more isiZulu in my everyday interactions. I’m also going to try not to fill my schedule too full because I want there to be space for the unexpected things that will help make my time here memorable.