An American at a “Zulu-ized” Western Wedding

The weekend after the school year ended, Michelle and I had the privilege of attending a wedding.  I felt honored to be there, as I have only known the person getting married for about three months.  But that may only be my perspective seeing as how the person getting married was an educator from my school and everyone from school was invited.  It was the respectful thing to do.  Attending the wedding was as much a cultural experience as it was a celebration of the union of two people.

 

A Context:

Taking a step back: Christianity has been in South Africa ever since the arrival of the first Europeans back in the 1600’s.  With Christianity came Western ways of thinking.  In the case of a wedding, that meant the involvement of a pastor, vows, and rings.  Add the advent of TV, Westernization of traditional Zulu wedding accelerated significantly.  There were also some political underpinnings elevating the significance of a Christian/Western wedding.  According to the old, Apartheid government, weddings weren’t official unless they followed this precedence; thus, traditional Zulu weddings weren’t officially recognized during that time. 

Traditionally, in the Zulu culture, when two people get married, the groom’s family presents the bride’s family with something called a lobola.  Lobola is a gift to the family.  Historically, when a woman married, she went to live with the groom and his extended family.  This meant that someone who could complete work around the home in the bride’s family no longer lived with the family and thus could not provide her services.  As a way of offering something in return for the woman’s loss of services, the groom’s family paid lobola.  In the Zulu culture, that meant izinkomo (translated: cows) because they were of great value.  Lobola is still gifted today and cows are still of great value; however, the groom’s family usually gives a gift of cash.

After lobola is given to the bride’s family, the bride’s family visits the groom’s family to perform some songs and dances and present them with presents to show their gratitude.  Historically, presents would include sleeping mats and blankets.  In both families, the bride and groom would pray to their ancestors and ask for their blessing.  After these ceremonies were completed, there would be a grand feast with cow and goat meat.

Keep in mind, historically, the couple’s villages were close together or the couple was from within the same village.  Further, time is more fluid in the Zulu culture than it is in a Western/American culture.

The Wedding:

Getting back to the topic first mentioned above: Michelle and I were invited to a wedding.  Before the ceremony started, the DJ played music to keep people entertained.  What was icing on the wedding cake (sorry, I couldn’t help myself) were the people that started dancing.  Because it was a sunny day, white parasols were provided.  The people held them as they danced, which made the scene look as if puffy clouds were floating by.  

Pre-Ceremony Dancing

The ceremony opened with a processional of the wedding party, including flower girls, page boys, bridesmaids, groomsmen, the groom, and finally the bride.  Following the processional, the ceremony emcee welcomed everyone (yes, there was an emcee).  The overseeing pastor led the ceremony with various readings of the Bible and a sermon.  The bride and groom then exchanged vows, rings, and a kiss.  Before the ceremony closed, a second pastor got up and spoke, offering his own selected readings and sermon. 

The Lovely Bride and Groom

After the ceremony ended, the wedding party exited and the guests were escorted to a hall.  After the guests were seated, the wedding party entered with a line dance, much to the amusement of the wedding party as well as the guests.  Various family members, friends, and coworkers gave speeches and well wishes.  Some performed songs as part of their speech.  My principal was one of the speakers.  When she went up to the stage, she had the educators and I join her in singing a song.  After the speeches were made, the bride tossed her bouquet, the cake was cut, and food was served.

Here’s a brief rundown of the timeline:

Scheduled Timeline	Actual Timeline
9:30am – The time we’re supposed to get picked up	10:00am – The time we actually got picked up
10:00am – The time the Western wedding was supposed to start	1:00pm – The time the wedding actually started
11:00am – The time lunch was supposed to be served	5:00pm – The wedding ceremony was still taking place, but we were encouraged to eat
1:00pm – The time the Zulu wedding was supposed to start	6:00pm – The wedding ceremony just ended; we’re taken home
5:00pm – The time the feast was supposed to start	1:00am (the next day) – The Zulu wedding ended

Cultural Observations:

Now, I know for typical US-Americans, they would have felt at least a little antsy about the time.  In full disclosure, although I have lived in South Africa for five months and know about the Zulu’s concept of time, I felt antsy.  I outline the timeline as one example to highlight one of many cultural differences between Zulus and Americans. 

Another observation was the influence of Western symbols of status on the Zulu culture.  Noting the décor, the details were intricate and decadent.  The fact that there were parasols showed that the bride and groom’s families were willing to pay for them.  The guests also provided a glimpse into the influence by the gifts they brought.  For example, the educators and I gifted some appliances for their kitchen.  I learned from talking with the educators that providing gifts was something new.  Historically, it was common for guests to bring food of some sort to the wedding, but these kinds of gifts were recent additions to the Zulu tradition.

The lengths of the speeches given during the ceremony were of particular note.  In Zulu culture, it’s common for the patriarchs of the family to say a few words during a wedding.  Taking this cultural practice and putting it in a Western context, the result was a wedding that took about six hours.  When I asked some of the guests at the wedding if it was normal for a wedding to last that long, they said no.  But because of the incorporation of a Western wedding, the length has increased. 

It is common for Zulus to complete both wedding ceremonies – Zulu and Christian/Western – if they themselves identify as Christian.  It shows respect to their family and ancestors, the former, as well as respect to their faith, the latter.  In the present case, the couple completed both ceremonies.  Unfortunately, our ride wanted to leave after eating, so Michelle and I weren’t able to able to attend the Zulu portion of the wedding.  I was actually hoping to attend that part because I would have seen something that was more traditionally (and more genuinely) Zulu. 

Reflecting on my experience attending the wedding, I hope that I didn’t place any specific value or worth on what transpired, but, instead, provided a view into the events that transpired.  Even as I write this, I don’t believe it’s possible to keep from being at least a little skewed in my thinking because I know I have my own personal bias and cultural values.  What I can say for sure is that the ceremony was beautiful, the bride and groom couldn’t have looked happier than when they kissed as wife and husband, and the guests seemed to be have a good time (even if they weren’t thrilled about how long things took).