A Letter from a Learner

(Please note: this post was originally written on August 29, 2014. Although it’s been a month since I originally wrote it, I thought it was still worth sharing. Enjoy!)

English club is winding to a close. There are only three days. Yesterday, my co-instructor and I received a wonderful surprise from one of our learners. One of our learners gave us a letter. :) She waited until the other learners left the classroom before she approached us. I didn’t think anything of it at first because I like to stand at the door giving our learners high-fives and telling them “I’ll see you tomorrow” as they exit. She was the last one in line. As she got up to me, she said she wanted to give us something. My curiosity piqued; I wondered what it might be. My co-instructor and I are smiled excitedly as she pulled a letter out of her pocket. She handed me the letter, gave me a high-five, and left the classroom.

My co-instructor and I were very excited to see what she wrote. The letter was inside an envelope she folded out of paper. The envelope had pictures of flowers drawn on it. The letter was very sweet. In it, the learner told us that my co-instructor and I are her favorites teachers. She said she enjoys our club very much and she thinks were so nice. Huge smiles spread across our faces as we read the letter. When we finished, we laughed heartily.

It was such a delight to receive the letter. And it couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve been in training for eight weeks now, so I’m growing tired. I am enjoying myself, so there are no worries there. However, receiving the letter lifted my spirits. It’s nice to know that I/we are reaching at least one learner.

Heritage Day

Heritage Day is celebrated throughout South Africa on September 24th. It’s a time to gather, enjoy traditional food, sing songs, and dance; all while wearing traditional clothing. My school celebrated Heritage Day in grand style. All of the learners performed a song and dance by grade. As a special treat, some of the teachers performed a song as well. I noticed none of the male teachers got involved in the performance, so I asked them if we could in the future. They smiled nervously but agreed. After the performances, we ate a traditional meal. I brought chocolate chip cookies to share. The teachers were surprised to find out that I can bake. (In Zulu culture, men don’t normally cook).

Grade 7 Learners Performing a Song and Dance

Sitting back and observing this holiday in action was breathtaking. My school has at least a few learners from other areas of the country as well as from other countries, as I learned from talking with my colleagues and from seeing the clothing they wore for the celebration. I learned even some of the teachers come from other parts of the country. In addition to traditional Zulu attire, some people wore traditional Xhosa clothing.

A Teacher Wearing Traditional Xhosa Attire & Joe Wearing Traditional Zulu Attire

Michelle’s school also celebrated Heritage Day. Although she doesn’t have as many photos, she does have a poem to share. Her contribution to the celebration was to write a poem in English for a learner to recite.

Michelle's Poem

Experiencing Heritage Day reminded me about the International Festival that takes place in my hometown, Lorain, OH. Lorain has a diverse population, with people being able to trace their roots back to many countries. As families immigrated into the U.S., they settled in Lorain because there were several, large employers (e.g. steel mill, ship yards, car factory). As a way of celebrating the rich diversity, Lorain holds a festival where people can come together to share their heritage in fellowship. At the festival, one can eat food from Africa, Asia, Europe, and South America while enjoying traditional songs and dances. If you ever have a chance to visit Lorain, I would recommend going during the festival. It takes place during the last weekend of June. You’re sure to have a good time.

Here’s a link the International Festival website if you’d like to read more about it: http://www.loraininternational.com/.

Swearing In

It’s official… Michelle and I are Peace Corps Volunteers! Now, some of you might be wonderful why I’m saying we’re only volunteers just now when we’ve been in South Africa since July. Let me explain.

The first 2-3 months in country volunteers spend time training during what is called “Pre-Service Training” or PST. During PST, volunteers are referred to as “Peace Corps Trainees” or PCTs. PCTs learn the local language, culture, customs, and develop skills pertaining to their project. In our case, we have been learning isiZulu because we are in the KwaZulu Natal province of South Africa where isiZulu is the dominant language. Since Michelle and I are education volunteers, we participated in workshops on topics such as literacy, language acquisition, classroom management, differentiation, and many others. Peace Corps calls these technical sessions. Satisfactory completion of the workshops, in addition to passing an oral language exam and a couple of written exams, means that PCTs qualify to become “Peace Corps Volunteers” or PCVs.

Joe & Michelle Excited to Have Taken the Peace Corps Oath

If you’re already putting two and two together, then you might have already guessed that Michelle and I fulfilled all of the required described above. We completed workshops and passed our exams, which means that we qualified to become official PCVs with the Peace Corps.

It was quite an exciting day to Swear In. It’s called Swear In because all incoming PCVs pledge to serve the U.S., South Africa, and the Peace Corps diligently during their term of service. It was really cool because we raised our right hands, took the oath, which we heard from Michelle’s dad who was in the Air Force the oath was similar to that of the military, and were recognized by the Country Director.

Incoming South Africa 30 Peace Corps Volunteers Taking the Peace Corps Oath

Swear In was a cool rite of passage because it acknowledged the work the incoming volunteers and I had done since we initially applied to join the Peace Corps, including interviews, exams, workshops, practical teaching, and other training. Since Peace Corps’ inception, over 200,000 volunteers have sworn in to serve in more than 170 countries all over the world. We are now part of a network of people, both U.S. Americans and host country nationals, who committed themselves to improving the state of the world. In South Africa, this means we will be helping with education. In the coming months, we will learn about the state of our schools, develop partnerships with fellow teachers, and prepare to go into the classroom. It is an exciting time.

Family Farewell Function

We knew the day would come when it would be time to say good-bye to our host family. They hosted Michelle and I for two months while we completed training with the Peace Corps. When we first arrived, we referred to them as our “host family”, but shortly thereafter we dropped the “host” part of it because they truly became our family. We affectionately called our host-mom “Mama” (and still do).

Joe, Mama, & Michelle

As a way of saying thank you to our family, along with all of the other families that hosted volunteers during Pre-Service Training, Peace Corps, the volunteers, and we coordinated a farewell function that consisted of traditional Zulu attire, dancing, singing, speeches, awarding of certificates, and, of course, food. The families had a wonderful time.

Several of the male volunteers and I surprised our families by wearing traditional Zulu pants to the function. One of the language instructors found a tailor who could make the pants, which was really cool. When I walked out of my bedroom on the morning of the function, Mama was giddy to see me wearing the pants. Mama surprised me in return by getting me a (faux) traditional Zulu shirt (I say faux because the real ones are made using animal skin, which apparently is very expensive). Mama also got Michelle a traditional Zulu shawl, necklace, and headband.

Joe & Michelle in Traditional Zulu Attire

Several local, youth performance groups came to the function to sing, dance, or both. The children were quite talented. Many of them performed a dance called “gida”. Historically, Zulus performed gida before they engaged in battle. It was the equivalent of “puffing up one’s chest”, which was meant to intimidate their opponent. Over time, though, gida evolved to become a dance. Now, gida is a great show of pride for the Zulu culture.

The "Gida" - A Traditional Zulu Dance

Michelle sang a rendition of Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles with a group of volunteers. It was great! Two volunteers within the group translated some of the lyrics into isiZulu so that all who listened could enjoy the song; even if only a small portion.

Rendition of Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles

I was selected by the language instructors to give the speech of appreciation to the families. I was honored to be selected, as well as nervous because the speech was entirely in isiZulu. After a couple of months studying the language, I have learned many words; however, looking at the speech, I saw that there are many more to study. I rehearsed the speech many times; sometimes alone and sometimes in front of the language instructors. The instructors were able to give me feedback, which helped immensely because I got better after each rehearsal.

Joe Giving the Speech of Appreciation in isiZulu

The speech went over very well. I heard from several families that they could understand me. Some of them even commented that they thought I had been speaking isiZulu for much longer than a couple of months (if only!).

The function ended by awarding each family a certificate. They were excited to come up to the stage to be recognized. When Michelle and I spoke with Mama after the function, Mama shared that she was initially afraid to bring strangers into her home. She went on to say, though, that she was glad she did because she loved getting to know us. She soon thought of us as her own children.

Mama, our family, Michelle, and I were sad to see the day come when we had to leave for our permanent site. Many happy memories were made with our family. Michelle and I are excited to say that we’re going to visit them over the summer holidays (Dec-Jan). We look forward to seeing them again.

Mental Health During PST (Pre-Service Training)

---Written on day 62 of PST-----

I wanted to take an opportunity to share more about my experience with mental health during Pre-Service Training (PST). I am sharing this because when I was searching for information, it was difficult to find much out there aside from the blanket Peace Corps messages about “living without the support of western-trained mental health providers.” If you are anything like me, this line tells you NOTHING useful for daily life. First things first…

“Hi, my name is Michelle and I struggle with depression.”

Good. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk real talk.

During the Peace Corps application process, I definitely felt that depression and mental health was fairly taboo in the Peace Corps. My reasons were as follows: (A) It was hard to find information about volunteers who have struggled with depression. (B) After disclosing that I have seen a counselor “at any point within the last three years,” I faced (what felt like) a bunch of extra hoops to jump through. Additional forms, counseling visits/evaluations, personal statements on my mental health status, triggers, coping mechanisms… ay bo! It was a process.

(I want to pause and take a deep breath with those of you who are living that frustration now. Breathe…)

Whoo! Even thinking about it now makes my blood pressure rise… BUT! I am so pleased/surprised to report that Peace Corps South Africa has many strategies for supporting volunteers in this country. Plus, they take a “we all need these things sometimes” approach to implementation. We have had sessions on resources, covered many coping strategies, discussed these personally with a member of the medical team, and will have multiple avenues of support (ranging from a peer support network to counseling visits) during a depressive period.

That said, PST definitely provides many potential “challenges” to one’s mental health. The first challenge is the schedule. Training days are very long and zap you of your energy. Your brain is tired from language and policy trainings; your emotions are wonky from safety and diversity sessions; your patience is tested each day…multiply that by 8 hours per day, 6 days per week. Aish!

It is also not surprising to find that the emotions, energy, and needs of 34 unique people are, well…different! One is up when the other is down; the same experience impacts both in different ways. This leads me to the second major challenge: coping with all of this stress when all of your PC friends are dealing with their own stuff… How do you reach out for a hand when we are all on our very own rollercoaster rides?

Add the typical culture shock, distance from loved ones, decreased control over personal schedule/use of time, and loss of some first world conveniences… It is the perfect environment to challenge one’s mental health!

So, for the benefit of other potential volunteers and for the sake of honesty, I would like to share a bit about my experience coping with depression during PST.

First, I will share a bit about my symptoms. Each person’s depression is unique. My depression comes and goes in waves. In the US, I may have anywhere from a few weeks to a year between depressive periods. My triggers are largely related to personal worth, competence, or inconveniencing/burdening others. During PST, I have experienced two minor depressive occurrences. The length of an occurrence is difficult to describe, because there are multiple stages/levels that are passed through. I will say that out of nearly 60 days, there have only been 4 that I have truly felt hindered by my symptoms.

During and immediately after an occurrence, I have found the following tools essential for moving forward:

• Patience with myself. I would like to say that I have handled these stressors with absolute grace…but, that would be a lie. I have been more than frustrated with other volunteers. I have been frustrated with myself. I have acted from that perspective of frustration…and I can make different choices tomorrow. At the end of the day, though, I am the only “me” I have. I am imperfect. I am emotive. And these are things that make me - “me.” I try to remember the components of the "Personal Bill of Rights" (there are several versions out there... they can be fairly cheesy, but good reminders. Google it...)
• Support from loved ones back home and fellow volunteers. I have been blessed with many beautiful relationships that uplift my spirit. The messages I have received from those back home remind me that they will be there for me, no matter where I travel. I have also found caring friendships in several other volunteers. They write me notes when I am sick, check-in when I am being quiet, and offer support in times of need. I need to remind myself to have the humility to reach out.
•  Journaling. This sounds so cliché, but it really does help to get it all out in writing. Seeing it all out on paper helps my triggers to feel more manageable, somehow. I can better identify ways to disrupt the internal dialogue that is unhealthy.
• Letting go. Ish happens. The thing about my depression is that it makes me believe in a false sense of “failure” (like “failure” as an identity). The truth is that, though I may stumble and discover imperfections, I have always overcome the obstacles of my life.  My lesson is to let go of my expectations of my life and, most importantly, of myself.  

Before joining the Peace Corps, I was definitely concerned about maintaining my mental health during service. What if my depression was triggered during service? What if I start to spiral?

For the benefit of others who share this fear, here is my message for you (and a reminder for myself):

• It is okay to struggle with issues of mental health or depression (I think that we all do-the only differences are the degree of impact and the level of honesty about it). It is okay to take the time and energy you need to get through, in whatever that looks like.
• You have already developed successful coping strategies throughout your life. These will likely be the same strategies you will use during your service.
• It helps to hone your self-awareness to identify depressive symptoms early. My strategy is to list 3 caring things (small or big) that I did for others and that were done for me each day. When I cannot think of 3 examples, then I know that my internal dialogue is getting skewed.
• Some volunteers believe that PST is the most difficult period of Peace Corps service. If you can get just through this, a significant part of the battle is over!
• If there does come a day when I truly believe that the best decision for my health would be to go back home, I know that the option is there. I will have been blessed by having lived in South Africa for a short while AND I will make the best decision for me to go home.

**Quick Note to Family and Friends: I am FINE. :-D My mental health is just as fine as it was in the States. It is common for the occurrences to become more frequent during states of great change. There is no need to worry any more than you did before.

If you would like to support me, just keep doing what you normally do. I’ve always loved that about you! Most importantly, don’t act all weird about this post in our next conversations. I do not currently feel any embarrassment about sharing these details. I hope that you don’t either.

Much love (Ngiyanithanda kakhulu),

M

More Posts to Come!

Sorry there haven’t any posts recently. Michelle and I have been quite busy over the last month. But don’t worry… we plan to blog about the highlights, including: teaching at our English Clubs, Swearing In with the Peace Corps, saying farewell to our host family, moving to our permanent site, and a few others. We arrived to our permanent site a couple of days ago. Now that we’re here, we expect to have more free time. This means we can work on the blog. We want to keep our readers happy. :P :)